For years, I believed success was about working harder.
If I could just become
More disciplined
More motivated
More productive
Then surely everything else would fall into place.
But no matter how many books I read or goals I set, something always seemed to get in the way. I'd start exciting new projects, only to lose momentum before they were finished. I'd set personal goals and somehow fall just short of reaching them. I'd promise myself I'd only have one or two glasses of wine, only to occasionally finish the bottle and wake up the next morning disappointed in myself. Even in my marriage, despite sharing a wonderful life with someone I love deeply, there were times I didn't feel as fulfilled or connected as I craved.
It's not that I didn't achieve some success in my endeavors - I live a pretty great life!
But, looking back now, I can see a pattern that I couldn't see then.
It wasn't a lack of discipline. It wasn't laziness. It wasn't because I wasn't capable. Or that I didn't want it bad enough.
It was because, deep down, I didn't truly believe I was worthy. Or that I wasn't good enough or had what it took.
That realization changed everything. And it hit hard.
Success Begins Long Before the Results
We often think success starts with a great idea followed up with lots of hard work and discipline. In reality, it begins with belief. Specifically, the belief that you are worthy of your own effort, your own dreams, your own happiness, and your own care.
When we don't truly love or trust ourselves, we begin to sabotage ourselves in subtle ways. Not because we want to fail. But because our subconscious is trying to stay consistent with the story we've been telling ourselves for years.
If that story is:
"I'm not enough."
"I always mess things up."
"Other people are more capable than I am."
Then our actions naturally begin to reflect those beliefs.
What Self-Trust Really Looks Like
For a long time, I thought self-trust meant confidence. And I really believed that I was confident! I could talk to anyone, face new challenges, and boldly push myself where many people hesitate! So, on the outside I definitely looked confident.
Now I see it differently. Self-trust is more simply believing in yourself. It's knowing that when you make a promise to yourself, you'll do your very best to honor it. Every time we keep a promise to ourselves, no matter how small, we strengthen that trust.
Every time we repeatedly break those promises, we slowly weaken it. This doesn't mean we're failures or incapable. It simply means our relationship with ourselves needs nurturing.
How Self-Love Affects Every Area of Life
Business/Career
I can clearly see now how my lack of self-trust affected my business ventures. I had ideas. Lots of them. I'd pour my heart into a new project with excitement and hope thinking this is THE ONE!
Then somewhere along the way, doubt would quietly creep in.
I'd question whether anyone would care.
Whether I was qualified enough.
Whether I was good enough.
Imposter syndrome would take over.
Instead of finishing what I'd started, I would slowly let my great idea go, making the same excuses (usually lack of time). Then a few months later, begin something new, convinced the next idea would somehow be different.
The truth wasn't that the ideas were wrong. I simply hadn't learned to trust myself enough to keep going when things became uncomfortable.
Relationships
Self-love doesn't just affect the relationship you have with yourself. It quietly shapes every relationship around you.
For years I found myself wanting everyone to truly like and accept me for who I was (we know this is impossible of course). For myself, and many, this goes way back to that super insecure time of puberty, desperately, and most often unsuccessfully, trying to fit in with our peers while being confused over all the crazy changes our hormones are creating.
Carrying over into motherhood, I wanted to be the best mom. I wanted people to adore my children and tell me how amazing they are and what a great mother I am.
I craved approval.
Acceptance.
Validation.
I can’t even begin to tell you how stressful and exhausting that all is!
I now understand that when we don't fully accept ourselves, we naturally look for others to fill that space. The beautiful thing is that as your relationship with yourself becomes healthier, your relationships with others become healthier too. You stop trying to earn love and acceptance. You simply allow yourself to receive it.
Health
Health isn't just about nutrition or exercise. Or what the scale says or the size tag on your clothes. It's about the choices we make every day.
When we genuinely love ourselves, we begin asking different questions. Instead of asking, "What can I get away with?" We should be asking, "What would nourish me?"
The answer changes everything.
We choose rest instead of exhaustion.
Water instead of another glass of wine.
Movement because it feels good.
Sleep because we know we deserve it.
Healthy choices become acts of self-respect rather than punishment.
Goals and Dreams
One of the greatest lessons I've learned is this: You don't achieve your dreams because you hate yourself enough to work harder. You achieve them because you love yourself enough to keep showing up.
Self-love creates consistency.
Self-trust creates momentum.
Together they create transformation.
And it's not even about perfect success. It's about being willing to put the time and effort towards shaping your goals.
Coming Home to Yourself
Perimenopause became an unexpected turning point in my life. The hormonal changes made it impossible to ignore the stress I had been carrying for years.
At first I thought I needed to just fix my hormones. And yes, seeing your doctor and adjusting your hormones definitely can help many women in perimenopause. But what I really needed was to rebuild my relationship with myself.
I had spent decades nurturing everyone else. My family. My home. Supporting my husband's successful business ventures. And honestly, I loved and took great pride in doing those things. I still do.
But somewhere along the way, I forgot that I deserved nurturing too. Perimenopause wasn't simply changing my body. It was inviting me to change the way I lived.
For the first time in a very long time, I realized something beautiful.
This wasn't the end of who I was. It was the beginning of coming home to myself.
Self-Love Isn't Selfish
Somewhere along the way, many women were taught that putting themselves first was selfish. But think about it.
Would you expect a garden to bloom without watering it?
Would you expect a phone to work without charging it?
Would you expect your best friend to pour endlessly into everyone else while never caring for herself?
Of course not. Yet so many of us expect exactly that from ourselves. Self-love isn't selfish. It's responsible. Because the healthier we become, the more fully we can show up for the people we love.
One Small Promise
If you're reading this and recognizing yourself here, I want to leave you with one gentle invitation. Don't try to change your whole life this week.
Simply make one small promise to yourself.
Maybe it's drinking more water.
Going for a walk every day.
Putting your phone away before bed.
Speaking kindly to yourself.
Then keep that promise.
Tomorrow, keep it again. And next week, keep that promise and then keep one more. Build momentum and trust.
Every promise you honorr becomes another brick in the foundation of self-trust. Over time, those tiny promises become something extraordinary. They become evidence that you can rely on yourself. And once you trust yourself...
Everything changes.
Final Thoughts
Today, I no longer measure success by achievements alone.
I measure it by the relationship I have with myself. By how peacefully I sleep. By how gently I speak to myself. By the promises I keep. By how fully I allow myself to receive love.
I've learned that the greatest success isn't just building a business, reaching a goal, or checking another box.
It's becoming the woman who believes she is worthy of all of it. And maybe that's what self-love has been trying to teach us all along. Not that we need to become someone different. But that we were deserving all along.
We simply had to remember.
"I am worthy of the same love, care, grace, and compassion I've spent my whole life giving to everyone else."
Ready to Begin Coming Home to Yourself?
If this story resonates with you, I have a gift I'd love to share.
I created Come Home To Yourself to help you take the first gentle steps toward building a kinder, more trusting relationship with yourself. Inside, you'll discover 20 nurturing habits that strengthen self-love and self-trust, along with 10 habits that may be quietly holding you back—each one explained with simple, practical guidance you can begin using today.
Remember, lasting transformation doesn't happen through perfection. It happens through the small choices you make every day.
This self-love handbook is your invitation to slow down, nurture yourself with the same love you so freely give to others, and begin creating a life rooted in calm, confidence, and self-worth.
Because the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one you have with yourself.
Download your FREE copy of Come Home To Yourself today and take your first gentle step toward coming home to yourself.
